Mantra

In a scene in the movie Sunshine Cleaning, Amy Adams' character steps out of the shower and into a her steam-filled bathroom. Her wet hair drips onto the tile floor as she nears her foggy mirror.

In a small wiped circle, she spends a moment observing her reflection in neither a vain nor critical way. She then turns her head to the corner of her mirror and looks at a bright yellow sticky note. Taking a deep breath, she repeats a mantra to herself about her beauty, independence, and strength. It is an encouragement of self. A moment of empowerment. Ever since I watched that scene, I have never been able to forget it.

Although it sounds terribly cheesy, my bathroom mirror is filled with sticky notes and sheets of positive statements. There is something to be said of reading these statements out loud to yourself in the morning or when you find yourself peering in that mirror for too long.

But why do we even need to do this? Why is this empowering? What has forced us to cling, to dig our nails  into the very ground that is meant to support us? What has forced staying grounded to become so difficult? I'll tell you why.

Because we live by double standards that uphold and idolize perfection.

Because natural beauty has become an oxymoron in the world we live.

Because instead of being taught to love what we have, we are taught to love what we don't have.

Because no one tells us otherwise.

I once met a woman who introduced herself as a dietitian and therapist. I had never heard of her line of work and was curious about it so I asked her to tell me more about her occupation. She said that she works with people of all ages (predominantly female) in overcoming eating disorders and body image issues while introducing healthier eating habits into her patients' life. She then added that she works with girls and boys as young as four years old. According to her, Americans spend billions on diet products every year with a 9 out of 10 fail rate.  "This," she told me, "is what our world has come to."

It is undeniable that today, we are obsessed with imperfection. With today's technology, though, how could we not? While there is a progression in media towards characters with deeper personalities, media has seemed to hit a wall with physical attractiveness. Characters can behave in strange, quirky, geeky, cute, etc ways but it is only acceptable/forgivable if the character is physically attractive.

Although Sarah Walker on Chuck is incredibly independent and strong, she is still incredibly attractive. On Fringe, Olivia Dunham is the same. Ugly Betty tries to break this mold but ends up tripping over its over-the-top caricatures and inadvertent affirmation of cultural beauty standards. Veronica Mars and Buffy (whose shows are named after them) are spunky and cute but yet again, are wildly beautiful. We are taught that physical attractiveness is the essence of true beauty. A person can't be truly attractive unless they look utterly beautiful or handsome.

Bullshit.

To be honest, I have no step-by-step guide to these issues and problems. I'm still feeling and stumbling my way around. I think, though, that peace begins with loving ourselves more. By that I mean giving ourselves a break when we need it, to remind ourselves that it's okay not be the pinnacle of what is proclaimed to be beautiful. Be radical and see that beauty isn't a collective measurements of your weight, body shape, face shape, clothes, etc. Beauty is a state of mind. Beauty is peace.

What right do other people have to tell us the extent of our attractiveness? What tells us that we have to listen? There is no qualification that give one boundless rights to judge others. Absolutely none. There is no measuring stick that we must stand by to gauge our beauty. We must create our own definition of it.

Because living and breathing life is beautiful.

Because the human body, in itself, is beautiful.

Because confidence, independence, strength, and intelligence is beautiful.

Because imperfection is beautiful.

All who wander are not lost

There is something to be said about spending time with no one else but yourself. A peace to be experienced when you hear nothing but your own steps and the wind quietly blowing past your ears. A clarity to be found when your mind is free from all thoughts of the present, past, and future. For those moments, the road ahead is your only concern and direction  is merely an option.

I woke up at about 11:30 am on Saturday morning. After finishing brunch with my family, I was nowhere near ready to begin my homework. The thought of sitting indoors in my dining room surrounded by textbooks seemed far too reminiscent of the school week that had just past. I felt the need to disrupt the constant ticking emitted from the metronome I'm forced to set my life to. The relentless tick tick tick needed somehow to transform into the syncopated rhythms of jazz flowing from the streets of New Orleans. 

Where would I go? I knew the answer began with outdoors but as to exactly where I was clueless. I had this itching, though, to go somewhere far. Somewhere I could wander alone, a place completely unfamiliar.

Although the drive to Lake of the Woods was less than thirty minutes, it brought me far enough from home. I parked at the entrance and bundled up. The beginning of the trail was marked by a red bridge that led to an expanse of trees. Dead reeds and long prairie grass lined the pathway. I heard footsteps not too far away and turned around to find the source. I saw movements deeper into the forest. When I focused my eyes, I saw five deer. Other than the deer, I was completely alone.

There’s something extremely liberating about wandering. While wandering, the binding elements of our lives slowly loosen. Time is no longer a restriction. Nothing and no one is there to tell you to hurry or slow down. Time may have slowed or even stopped but that is of no such importance while wandering. Each step you take becomes the light ticks of the second hand.

During that Saturday afternoon, small details become just as important and beautiful as the large ones. I could sit in the snow and take in the winding creek and admire the snow covered trees bending over the water. Moments later I could be standing in the middle of the dried prairie grass admiring the small translucent flowers. I could slowly walk across the forest and look up into the sky through the intertwined branches of the trees. I could stop and close my eyes feeling the prickle of cold air on my cheeks. I could walk, I could run. Nothing and no one could tell me what I couldn't do. It was liberation.

I feel that in life, one the most important things we must learn is to how to create our own happiness. To learn to see and find the things that gives us peace. I believe that people don't so much become happy but slowly learn how to be. With such new knowledge comes the realization, the conviction that what makes us happy is right under our noses. Blink again, and perhaps it may suddenly appear. 

Too often I experience the tugging and pulling of the elements in my life. I want to learn to resist them. To bend them. To find peace.